Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hippo gnu deer
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
