I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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