I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
