in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
