just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
