now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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