you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
