I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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