im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
