u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
