How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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