Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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