If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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