On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
