I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
