it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
