know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
