The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize