I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
