I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
