my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
