OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
