His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
