I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
