I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
