Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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