There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
