Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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