he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
