I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
