So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
