she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize