and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
