I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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