i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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