You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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