just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she smelled like a LAN party
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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