Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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