if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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