Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
