Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
be right there i have to get my cape
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
