Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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