I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Randomize
