im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
