then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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