Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
