i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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