It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
