they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
