This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize