"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize