So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize