There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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