I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
