It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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