I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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