You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
...so i touched it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
