P.S. I can't hear my feet
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
