Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
