So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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