Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You smell like stripper and shame
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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