youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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