I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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