My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
