STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
