There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
