6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
