Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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