Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
